I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
its not stalking. its research.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
