based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
