Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
