There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
