i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
