I cockslap morals
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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