Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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