You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
