I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I could make wine with my vomit
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You are a genius and a whore.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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