You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Dick very happy bro
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
