DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
