Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
