She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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