Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We're too hungover to prance.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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