There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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