just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize