My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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