i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
