i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I bet he comes in French.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
