I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
