why didn't you poke me back
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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