Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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