Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
