it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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