Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
