You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Can I color on your dick again?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize