My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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