Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
