Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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