And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
