Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
