just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
