drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
