Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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