Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
