i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
