Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
