It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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