Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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