Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
They have beer where we have blood.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
