dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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