so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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