I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
