porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
