i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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