we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
