I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
