Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
