Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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