So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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