if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
