my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
