about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
