why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
