I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I love you.
Bad choice
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
