She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
