drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why is there bacon in the couch?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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