I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
