if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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