she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
