His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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