Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
