Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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