so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
