By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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