Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
