Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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