I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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