Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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