i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
