I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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