The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
