Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
