I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
